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there was a young dancer from Quirm
Who had an incredible squirm.
when told "that's not decent"
she said, it's not recent'
It's classical - look, here's my urn.
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I'm not here with a rec or anything. I'm actually here with a story idea. (I blame the Nightwatch book, it did things to me).

I rather like Nobby Nobbs, Jingo, The Fifth Elephant and Nightwatch just made me like him more, and Same Vimes being all... Fatherly, in his own way to Nobby as a child, thinking "Too light" and taking him for a feeding just got me. And my mind jumped to KIDFIC!

So, my idea was, somehow (either an AU where Sam gets stuck in the past as John Keel with no way home, or some magical time related mishap changes Nobby Nobbs the corprol into a small child) Sam Vimes ends up having to look after little Nobby Nobbs.

I'm rather intrigued by the 'stuck in the past' idea, but I would also love to see Sybil being all motherly towards a little Nobby, she and Nobby have an interesting relationship in Canon, Ii believe she is even a litle fond of him, and he obviously respects her and likes her enough to take her side against Vimes (the start of Jingo in the diplomatic function anyone).

I'm trying to decide which to write, but am having trouble. Anyone care to weigh in on either side, or tell me to chuck it all in? Anyone think they can take the idea and make it awesome?
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Title: Havelock's Muses
Author: Slantaholic
Fandom: Discworld
Summary: Vetinari daydreams about shopping, whipped cream, curtains, and planting kisses all over Drumknott’s bare chest until he’s in… religious trouble.
Rating: T+ for mentioning sex terms.
Genre: Romance & Spiritual
Word count: ~3,700. Complete one-shot.
Notes: Minor tiny spoilers for Judgement Day. Mentions Saponaria and Roundworld.

Read it on FFN or AO3. Fic is identical on both sites.

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So, a while ago, during one of my drabble memes, my friend insertparagraph requested a "something from the Discworld."

Well, like you, I'm a huge TPratchett fan, so it didn't take anything more than that to set me off; for whatever reason, I'd been amusing myself by imagining Lord Vetinari asking Sam Vimes's advice about politics... and so I wrote — not a drabble, but the beginning of a fic.

I meant to continue it — it seemed like a fun idea — but, as with so many writing projects recently, it fell into the cobwebbed neverwhere of my hard drive...

Until today. Sitting down while waiting my lunch to warm up (Indian lentils — yum), I opened the file... and finished the fic!

Title: Long Live the Patrician!
Rating: G
Warnings: Unbeta'd. Small caps.
Length: ~3400 Words
Summary: Sam Vimes knew that nothing good waited for him at the top of the gilded stairs of the Patrician's Palace.

( Long Live the Patrician! )
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Not Another Apocalypse!

According to the Great Shaman of the Bellesticon it is known that that Bel-Shamharoth will rise at the eighth hour of the eighth day of the eighth year of the first century after the kraken meets its death at the dawn of the new millennium.

This would not normally be a problem for the Watchers, since Bel-Shamharoth rules over, lurks under haunts a completely separate dimension that is normally quite inaccessible from earth.

However, time passes differently in the various dimensions and it so happens that the 8th of the 8th 2008 on the Discworld falls on the 21st Dec 2012 earth-time. It is then, according to the prophecies, that the walls between the worlds will sunder and – well, the translation that I am working from at the moment states that the evils will meet.

Prophecies about what will happen once the Sender of Eight has risen and passed through the portals to Earth tend to be detailed, graphic and carved into the walls of caves by shaman who clearly had an ample supply of red ochre and an unhealthy interest in depicting viscera.

Werewolves are expected to be particularly affected, although the prophecies are insufficiently specific about whether that will take effect only after the moon has been cast into the depths of the great volcano, releasing Hell into the realms of Earth.

The prophecies become seriously contradictory when the material starts to cover the First Evil’s reaction to all this. I really cannot quite see how a non-corporeal being could possibly first marry the Sender of Eight and then undergo quite such an acrimonious divorce.

At first glance it seems obvious that “marriage” is a metaphor for a purely symbolic union between the premier evils of the time; however, the reasons for the divorce are detailed in the Necrotellicommen and, frankly, these do appear to cast some surprising sidelights on the capabilities of both the beings concerned.

(I do feel that a case exists for retranslating the whole of Appendix Two and, possibly, reclassifying it. Syranous the Cynic of Gallafrin claimed that his translation of this material is absolutely reliable. On the other hand, Donaldson asserts that Gallafrin is best known for the national cuisine, which includes magic mushrooms.)

There is a further factor. I feel that it is appropriate to take into account that there is considerable controversy over whether the prophecy does mean “The Kraken” (a giant squid with far-reaching tentacles) or whether this is a metaphor for the Internet. In point of fact, The Millennium Bug signally failed to destroy the Internet as predicted in the year 2000, the dawn of the most recent new millennium.

I would therefore postulate that, despite the Mayan calendar and the plethora of prophecies, nobody has the faintest idea whether dangerously significant events are due to begin from 21.12.12 or whether we will be spared for a further thousand years or two, (or at least until something else dangerous is born/rises/is summoned/bitten/turned or elected.)

In other words, I rather doubt whether it is worth alerting Buffy and the other Slayers about this one. (In any case, what could they possibly do?)

I am, however, bringing the situation to the attention of experts on the other dimension involved to ascertain whether their opinions differ.
They're Feelin':
complacent studious
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Hey all.  I am new to this community but wanted to let you all know that there is a fanfic and fanart comp taking place in Melbourne (Vic) being run by Dymocks Melbourne.  The prize is a signed copy of Long Earth!  All the details are on the Pratchett Palooza facebook page which is a month long promo that they are running.   


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Title: Bit Of A Cold Fish
Author: staciey
Rating: K or G
Characters: Young Sybil Ramkin, Lord Ramkin, Sam Vimes, Lord Ronald Rust
Summary: I went out with Ronnie Rust once. Bit of a cold fish.
Disclaimer: Spoilers for Jingo? Also, extreme fussy mustache grooming and quite a bit of speculation as to what Sybil's father, a  younger Sybil and a younger Ronnie Rust must have been like.
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Title: Patients Wearing Thin
Author: staciey
Rating: K or G
Characters: Young Sam Vimes, Cheery Littlebottom, Commander Sam Vimes and Lady Sybil Vimes, as well as some other Watch mentions. And a thousand elephants. (Or not.)
Summary: Well, he had always had what his mother referred to as the Vimes tendency to niggle at things and the Ramkin tendency to meddle in them.
Disclaimer: Might be an eensy bit spoiler-y for Snuff, if you tilt your head and squint, as it rather relies on knowing what one of the main characters was like as a boy of six. It will certainly make more sense if you have read Snuff. Set several years after the current books in the Watch series.
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Title: Waxing Gibbous
Fandom: Discworld
Pairing: Angua/Sally
Rating: NC17
Summary: It's nearing fullmoon and Angua needs to let off a bit of steam.

Fic is found here on AO3

Crossposted to discworld_smut and discworld (on DW)
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